Devotional: There is No Timetable for Grief

Posted byDr. Michael D. BakerPosted inUncategorized

There is no Timetable for Grief

Deuteronomy 34:8, “The Israelites grieve for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.”

It would be nice, you know; if grieving had a neat time length that was clear-cut and precise. The Israelites mourned the loss of Moses for thirty days and that was it, “the time of weeping and mourning was over.” Unfortunately, grief doesn’t work that way. Kenneth Rando says that “There is simply no timetable to grief.” H. Norman Wright says that “your grief will take longer than most people think.”

The reality of grief is that there is no timetable. Some people are resilient and quickly return to living productive lives, while others struggle but recover at a slower pace, and even some may remain in acute grief for years. If you are one of the ones stuck in acute grief for years, there may be a need for professional grief counseling.

Also, there are several factors that may inhibit a person’s grief recovery. Alan Wolfelt lists a few of these in his book, Death and Grief. The most prominent are: 1) The nature of the relationship with the person who died, 2) The unique characteristics of the person who died, 3) The nature of the death, 4) Other crises or stresses in the person’s life, and 5) Previous experiences with death. These are just a few of the one’s Wolfelt mentions.

In my own experience, the difficulty of working through the loss of my father has been the suddenness of his death. At 79 years of age, he was given a clean bill of health on August 6th and passed on August 16th, while feeding his horses. It was a peaceful death, as he fell asleep at the barn and never woke up. But, the lack of anticipatory grief gave us no time to say goodbye, and there were so many things that we never discussed. As my mother says, “I wish I had one more hour to discuss the things we never got around to talking about.”

For those who think they should have been “better” by now, give yourself more time. I agree with C.S. Lewis, after losing his wife, as he said, “the greater the love, the greater the grief.” Some things take a while, and grief is one of those things. There is no timetable for grief, so don’t let anyone tell you that you should be “better” by now.

Published by Dr. Michael D. Baker

Dr. Michael lives in north Mississippi, in the small town of Blue Mountain. He is married to Tina Jeanes Baker, and they have three adult children; John, James (with wife Carie, and daughter Solar Rogue), and Jonah. Dr. Michael is pastor of Blue Mountain Baptist Church, and serves as a hospice chaplain with Home Care Hospice. When Dr. Michael isn't working, he loves spending time with His wife and family, especially his granddaughter, Solar.

10 thoughts on “Devotional: There is No Timetable for Grief”

  1. In March 2022, we were four wheeling and sailing in Aruba, in celebration of our 30th wedding anniversary. As well as the successful launch of the final phase of the building program at the church my husband pastored. Our life together was looking more promising than ever. Our 3 young adult children had successfully launched and we were looking forward to being able to focus more attention on one another and our ministry.
    Two weeks after we returned from our trip, we received a terminal diagnosis for my seemingly healthy, rambunctious husband. 5 months later, he is gone!
    It’s been 4 weeks since his passing and I still can’t believe that he is gone. Until he took his last breath, I believed with my whole heart that God would heal him.
    I am not ok.

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    1. Carolyn, thank you for your willingness to share your struggles. We are so sorry for your loss! You are in the early stages of grief, and it is common to be vulnerable to your emotions. Hopefully your support network (family, friends, church family, etc.) is supporting you during this season! You will continue to be in our prayers!

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      1. Dr Baker is there a grief recovery group or counselor that you can recommend for me and my three young adult children (preferably virtual) but in person if necessary?

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      5. Hey Carolyn,

        I’m Dr. Michael Baker from the Grief Education Center. I was touched by your response to my devotional yesterday, as you were honest with us about your loss and your pain, both emotional and spiritual. I wanted to reach out to you to see if I could have your address. I would like to send you a couple of booklets. I also would like to leave you my phone number, if at some point you would like to talk.

        Sincerely,
        Dr. Michael Baker
        306 West Mill St.
        Blue Mountain, MS 38610
        662-471-0013

        P.S. And, we are praying for you.

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      6. Good evening Dr. Baker. Thank you for your response. We (my adult children and I) found a Grief Share group that is starting this weekend and have signed up. Again, thank you for the recommendation.

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      7. Carolyn, I do recommend Grief Share, but it may be too early for you. You’ve suffered a traumatic loss and it takes time to process your grief. If you start Grief Share and decide it is too much too soon, just drop out and wait a while before starting back. Be patient with yourself. Praying for you.

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