The Process of Grief

“How long does grief last?” This is a frequently asked and multi-faceted question. Here are what some of the top grief professionals have discovered in their attempt to provide help through the process of grief…

Elizabeth Kubler Ross – Five Stages of Grief:

  1. Denial & Isolation (“Shock”) – functions as a buffer against overwhelming reality of the situation
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining…
    • pleas are made to God or the doctor to forestall the loss OR
    • behaviors are undertaken to avoid grieving
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance  

John Bowlby & Collin Murray – Four Phases of Grief:

  1. Phase of Numbness – being stunned
  2. Phase of Yearning & Searching – includes anger, fruitless searching, disbelief, restlessness, and irritability
  3. Phase of Disorganization & Despair – characterized by the person giving up the search
  4. Phase of Reorganization – the re-establishment of new ties to others, with a gradual return of interests and appetites  

Theresa Rando – Phases of Reaction (to Loss):

  1. Avoidance Phase – includes a strong desire to avoid the acknowledgement of the loss, in which there is shock, denial, and disbelief.
  2. Confrontation Phase – includes the confrontation of the reality of loss and often includes anger and guilt. (This is where grief is most intense and highly emotional.)
  3. Re-establishment Phase – includes the gradual decline of the grief and the beginning of an emotional and social reentry back into the everyday world. 

J. William Worden – Four Tasks of Grief:

  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To experience the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
    • Includes three adjustments:
      • External Adjustments – adjusting to a new environment without the deceased. 
      • Internal Adjustments – adjusting to their own sense of self as death affects self-definition, self-esteem, and self-efficacy.
      • Spiritual Adjustments – adjusting to the loss of a loved one can lead a person to a spiritual crisis, where beliefs are challenged at the foundations of one’s assumptive world.
  4. To find a way to remember the deceased while embarking on the rest of one’s journey through life

For more information, consult Grief, Dying, and Death by Theresa Rando and Grief Counseling by J. William Worden.