Genesis 37:34-35, Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he said, “in the mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.” So his father wept for him.
Though we know the rest of the story, Jacob grieved the loss of Joseph as a parent who experienced the death of a child. He wouldn’t know the truth for years to come, so it was real to him. The loss of a child is devastating for parents, whether it be an only child or the 11th of 12 children as it was with Joseph. For Jacob, it was even more difficult because Joseph was his “favorite” child, which can really complicate matters. His mourning and grief were so great that he felt like dying would be a joy so he could be with his son. That’s the overwhelming effect that grief has on parents. Acute grief in a parent’s loss of a child can be so traumatic that there is nothing a person can do to comfort them. All of Jacob’s sons and daughters came to comfort him and he refused their comfort. The truth of grief ministry is that a caregiver can only comfort the bereaved to the point that the grief sufferer allows them.
Grief is extremely personal and grief work can only be done by the grief sufferer, and even that is at their own pace. For Jacob, his grief could not be alleviated by the comfort of his other children. He wept for Joseph. His love for Joseph was so great that he refused to be comforted in his loss.
GEC (Grief Education Center) 