According to H. Norman Wright, “our memories have a built-in fade mechanism over which we have little control.” In his book, Reflections of a Grieving Spouse, Wright encourages the development of a “memory book,” or my choice is a “memory box.” A memory book would be considered a scrapbook where a person would put pictures, cards, or handwritten notes. A memory box is a box you fill with pictures, cards, handwritten notes, as well as objects that have significant meaning for you.
The idea behind a memory book or memory box is to capture your thoughts, feelings, and memories about him or her that will include written descriptions, visual reminders, and photographs of his or her life. Additionally, a memory books/boxes can be shared with or even compiled by mutlitple individuals. According to H. Norman Wright, they “represent an extension of a birth or wedding album, but with a focus on the last of life’s transitions.”
You can even use index cards to record your memories. Some of the statements to use are:
- My first memory of you was….
- My favorite times with you were…..
- What I love most about you is…..
- What others say about you is…..
- Your favorite activities were……
- Your favorite words of wisdom were….
- When I think of you, I….
- I keep your memory alive by……
Maybe you can think of some additional memory starters, to add to the list. Whatever you come up with, take the time to write down and begin collecting those memories in a memory book or memory box, and share them with your family. It is a healthy way to process your loss and keep their memory alive. If your loss is too fresh, you might have to wait a while, but tuck those special items in a safe place until you are ready. If you have had sufficient time to process your loss, then this can a fun activity filled with a few tears and occasional smiles, and maybe even a few laughs.
For further information, check out H. Norman Wright’s book, Reflections of a Grieving Spouse.
GEC (Grief Education Center) 