Devotional: “Remarrying After the Loss of a Spouse”

Genesis 25:1a, “Abraham took another wife…”

One of the most difficult parts of grieving the loss of a spouse is loneliness. Often the children are grown and gone, and the house is empty and silent. The awkward silence is deafening as there is no one to talk to, no one to invest your life in, no one to take care of, and no one to take care of you. For Abraham, after losing Sarah, he then found another wife to marry.

According to many researchers, the investment of energy in someone new is a normal part of the healing process. Once we lose a spouse, emotional energy is withdrawn from the deceased and held for investment in other relationships. Though it doesn’t have to be invested in another spouse, it can be if so desired. This seems to be more common in men than women, though I’m not sure why. Either way, there is no moral failure for wanting to experience again the warmth and care of another person.

But, one of the problems that can occur, and commonly does, is reinvesting in a new spousal relationship before one has had sufficient time to grieve the loss of your first spouse. Many people have begun new relationships too soon, and find themselves married to someone they may not even like because they moved too quickly and did not give themselves adequate time to grieve. For most amicable marriage relationships, it takes a minimum of 2 to 3 years to adjust to the loss of their spouse to the point they are healthy enough to move forward in another relationship.

When a person remarries too soon after a loss, they may experience hidden grief, because they don’t want their new spouse to know that they are still grieving the loss of their former spouse. When this happens it becomes complicated grief. A person needs time to fully grieve the loss of a spouse, and should only look to another spousal relationship if they have had adequate time to grieve, heal, and adjust to their loss. Even then, a person should move forward slowly, to ensure that they are okay with the decisions they are making.

There are several options for reinvesting emotional energy, such as spending time with family and friends. A person may want to renew their relationship with their sibling(s), as often siblings aren’t as close as they once were because of their marriage relationships. Another great way to reinvest emotional energy is by spending time with their children or grandchildren. Additionally, another great way to reinvest emotional energy is to volunteer in their church or civic organization, thus reinvesting in old friends or new ones. And of course, some people may even get a new pet that keeps the house from being too lonely and silent.

Please don’t think that remarriage can not be successful. There are many people who happily marry, after the loss of a spouse. Just be careful and don’t rush into a new marriage too soon. Give yourself time to properly grieve, heal, and adjust, before moving forward. It is better to cherish memories than to make memorable mistakes.