Job 4:2, “If someone ventures a word with you, will you be impatient? But who can keep from speaking.”
In the immediate time after death, presence is essential for comforting the grief sufferer. The comforting presence of a friend is invaluable. But, one of the most common mistakes is the awkwardness of words. Silence is difficult, especially in our western culture which is accustomed to giving answers and advice. Many people, accustomed to talking, impatiently burst forth in words as Eliphaz the Teminite did. He had held his tongue as long as possible and then burst forth with words that were hurting and harmful. He even acknowledged the difficulty in keeping silent. It was hard for him to do! But, make no mistake, his presence was comforting until he opened his mouth.
I’ve been there (and so have you), that place of awkward silence where you feel being there is not enough. You want to say something, but you don’t know what to say. You struggle for words, only to feel words are inadequate. I’ve learned that when you don’t know what to say, just say nothing, and give them a hug (if that is acceptable). It is safer! Your presence is the most important part, as it conveys your love, care, and support. Understanding this point ensures the caregiver that words are unnecessary. It is difficult enough for the person who has lost a loved one to process recent events. If anything, allow them the opportunity to talk and try to encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings, without trying to offer advice and answers. But, this is difficult, as Eliphaz says, “But who can keep from speaking?”
GEC (Grief Education Center) 