Delayed grief takes place when “normal grief is delayed for an extended period of time, up to years, especially if there are pressing responsibilities or the mourner feels he/she cannot deal with the process at the time.” (Rando) For the mourner that experiences delayed grief, it may resurface years later, possibly triggered by another loss.
Recently I shared an experience of a friend experiencing compound grief, as she lost her adult son seven years ago, and her husband four years ago. During our conversation, my friend shared how she only recently opened the door to her son’s room, for the first time in seven years. She described her experience as “grief-stricken” and “stuck trying to move forward.” For her, to face the reality of her loss was unbearable when it first happened. Yet, she didn’t realize she was delaying her grief into the future and would face the reality of her loss again. As she opened the door to her son’s room, she felt the full weight of her grief all over again and began crying uncontrollably.
I wish I could say that my friend is wonderful now, but the reality of her grief is that she is hurting, and most of her family and friends don’t even realize the depth of her pain. In her own words, she said that she “may look okay on the outside, but she is dying on the inside.” The pain of her loss was delayed, and is just as real seven years later.
GEC (Grief Education Center) 